men – Momginerd

Dear Dumbass Manager:

January 20, 2012September 13, 2018 Momginerd

Not the actual dumbass, but an actor portraying him

Dear Dumbass at work,
You are a major f-tard. Just because you screwed up and are now scrambling to find a scapegoat for your misguided actions I will NOT be your punching bag. In case you didn’t notice, you are 6’3″ and I am 5’1″, so it is probably unlikely that I was bullying you when I pointed out the reality of your lackadaisical actions over the past 9 months. Yes, now YOU have some ‘splaining to do and I am not going to bail you out. YOU are the one with the 2 fancy lease cars, corner office, and staff. I am the peon that has been going behind you cleaning up your shit-pile like a street sweeper. Is it really my fault that now you are being questioned? Should I just bury my head in the sand like you have, and pretend that it is all going to work out when clearly you have created a big f’n mess? I think not. Oh, and YES I have documented every.single.time you declined to act on the situation, so just try to blame me.

For what it is worth, you may have felt better venting your pedantic frustrations on me, but you looked like a major ass. All 5 people who witnessed your toddler-like outburst were full of indignation and umbrage after our meeting. As far as your comment that I was “yelling at you”, all the while you were standing over me, projecting spittle in my direction and banging the table, next time I will try whispering. Pardon me, I didn’t realize that you had such sensitive hearing to rational speech.

Can’t wait to see how you explain this!

I have decided that passive resistance is the way to go with you. So even though you deserve to be brought to the carpet for your actions, I will be sitting back and watching you crash and burn. I am sure the VP will be happy to know your decisions has cost the company a lot of money! I hope you enjoyed your little venting session, because when you are the PEON next month, I am sure you will be handed your ass to yourself on a shiny platter. Meanwhile, I will be laughing my ass off!

So, congratulations! You are the idiot of the year. Let me know how you like the reward that will be coming to you soon ‘cuz I am sure the company will appreciate your attempt to play hide the weeny with their money!

Even David thinks you are an idiot!

Uncategorized

Three legs of a healthy relationship

September 28, 2011September 11, 2018 Momginerd

Warning! This will not by a typical Momginerd blog with lots of sarcasm and humor, but I do still think it has a lot of good messages to share.

When my relationships start to falter, I spend a lot of time reflecting on what went wrong and why. I came up with an analogy to a 3-legged stool that I think are the basics of a healthy, long term, and happy relationship.

When you just don’t
care enough to care

Emotional: You need to have an emotional connection to your partner. By this, I mean you need to feel about your partner’s happiness, in many ways, more than you do about your own. If your partner is unhappy, then you will be too. If your partner is happy then you feel better as well. When you have an emotional connection with someone it is almost like you are linked metaphysically. Their emotions have a direct effect on your own. By having the emotional connection to each other you are more in tune in many ways to the non-verbal cues that they are offering. When you don’t have that connection, you are clueless as to how they feel and it can lead to feelings of apathy towards each other. When you feel apathetic towards your partner, I think, it is the beginning of the end. You have lost all emotional connection and you just don’t care enough anymore to try and get it back.

Physical: Well, this one should be pretty self-explanatory. You MUST be attracted to your partner. And by attracted I mean more than just the feelings of lust you have at the beginning of a relationship. Sure, that is physical and is important, but it really doesn’t last if there aren’t more things you find are attractive about your partner than the color of their eyes or hair or if they have an incredible body. To me the physical goes beyond the immediate lust to the little things that makes my partner irresistible to me. The twinkle in his eye when he gets my jokes. The smile that he reserves ONLY for me that tells me in one instant I am the woman for him, he loves and adores me despite my numerous flaws. But, at the end of the day a partner’s actual physical appearance from afar isn’t the most important thing to me.

Intellectual: By intellectual I do not mean to imply that your partner needs to have an IQ above 140, or even that both partners have to have matching intelligence and educational levels. I mean that you have to be able to connect with your partner in an intellectual way. You need to be able to communicate your feelings/thoughts/issues/problems in a way you can both understand. If you can’t have a conversation about a topic you care about with your partner, then it is very difficult to accomplish many other tasks in a relationship. Intellectual compatibility is SO important when it comes to family decisions on how to raise your children, how to manage finances, and long term goal planning. You don’t have to AGREE, you just have to be able to value the differences and see them as strengths. I believe there has to be a coming of the minds so that when one has an important issue that the other one understands exactly what the issue is and that you work as a partnership to fix the problem. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t believe in the concept of a “perfect couple.” Most have had bad relationships in the past and I believe you have to put the utmost importance on communication. There will be certain topics (Ex’s, kids, politics) that you may not see eye to eye, but, a true partnership works to find and accept the good in both the things you agree on and, more so, the ones you disagree on. Take the time to LISTEN actively, and you may find sound logic for your partner’s positions.

Intellectual compatibility is also tied with empathy towards each other. Empathy only comes when one can truly understand how and why their partner feels certain ways about different topics. My personal cross to bear is making sure that I place the same value on my partners issues/concerns as he does. For example, I am used to doing 1000 different things per day, most of them all at the same time. On the other hand, a potential partner may like to accomplish one task and move on to the next. I have to be cognizant of how my partner may think and not add to his stress by constant bitching and offering up “solutions” to what I perceive as his issues. You see, to him this may not be an issue it is just who he is as a person. And yes, it probably would drive me nuts and I may have to take a step back and realize he is the sum of all of the things I love about him, not just the pieces I want to change.

I 100% believe that when a relationship has all three legs, and all three are strong, that the relationship can last a life-time. When you are missing one of the legs, or that part of the relationship breaks, you end up either living in an apathetic relationship or you go your separate ways.

This is my goal, a love to last a lifetime

Like I said, I am not a relationship expert, and I don’t even play on on TV, however this is how I feel and think. What do you think? Am I off base? What have been your past experiences?

Making divorce with kids involved work….sort of…..

September 21, 2011September 11, 2018 Momginerd

Lately I have been getting a few questions from colleagues and friends as to just how I make my divorce work. And eventhought Divorce and Making Things Work seems to be dichotomus, I thought I’d share some of the strategies that I have chosen to use and, thankfully, Ex follows along (if only he was so ammendable when we were married!).

1. Keep the kids first

Whenever I am deciding on a schedule change for the kids, personal decisions relating to my career, vacations, meal planning, etc I ALWAYS think of the kids first. If this change or decision would add undue stress to their schedules of lives, I just do not do it, or I change my plans. Even though I am remarried, HH is perfectly clear and understanding that the kids come first, and he, poor soul is a distant 4th.

2. Communicate, communicate, communicate

We use ALL these and more to keep
try and keep in touch, it seems.

Ex and I communicate every.single.mother.furking.day. Seriously! We either text, phone or email daily updates about the kids at least once a day. Some days, it seems like I talk to my Ex more than I talk to HH. I will admit, when we were in the process of getting divorced this communication wasn’t always pleasant or positive. It took time, energy, patience and dedication to strategy #1 for us both to make it work. I automatically forward every email/text I receive dealing with any of the kids school/social/athletic events. I will also Text and/or call Ex to REMIND him of events and exactly what is required for said event (special shirt, $$, gear, etc). It takes a lot of time, energy and patience, but it makes #1 work better…at the end of the day my mantra is “It is for the kids, if they are happy, I am happy.”

3. Agree to disagree

Ex and I definitely have different ideas on raising kids, morals, religion, etc. If we didn’t then we most likely would not be Exes. We finally came to a point about 6 months after our divorce was finalized that we agreed to disagree. This means that sometimes he makes decisions I don’t agree with (like having a babysitter for the kids almost every weekend he has them), but I do my best to keep my $.02 to myself about his decisions. He does the same for me, although he has little to complain about since I am so perfect ;-).

4. Let go and FORGIVE

OMG! They are KISSING
AGAIN!!!!!

No matter the circumstances that led to the end of your marriage you must learn to forgive your ex and more importantly, yourself. There can never be the end of a relationship that resulted in children when both parties do not feel some sort of guilt. Learning to forgive yourself and your ex will allow you to move on and become a better parent. Most folks had NO clue that Ex and I were going to get a divorce…until we did. We didn’t fight, we didn’t argue….we also didn’t love each other anymore. We were two people living separate lives in the same house. We do more together NOW than we did when we were married. I felt SO guilty about “breaking up my family and doing this to my kids.” I finally forgave myself when I realized that the marriage I had was NOT the example I wanted to set forth for my kids of a healthy adult relationship.

Until next time,

Nic

parenting

Here is my take on the different types of Adults in America

August 30, 2011September 11, 2018 Momginerd

In America there are many different groups of “Adults.” These can be broken down into distinct categories, each with their own unique features.

Here is how I see them:

1. DINKs (Dual income, no kids): These are the people who have worked hard at their careers and have decided either by choice or circumstance not to have kids. To those of us with kids, these people live the high life. They tend to have fancy toys, go on vacations, have no clue about that particular torture other parents call “kid(s) in team sports”, or limitations on spending money. I have some of these friends, and I can honestly say I am jealous of their lifestyle. When my other parented friends discuss this we always go back to the “Oh well, we can do that when the kids are grown.” The failing I find in that logic is, I will OLD when my kids are grown. Will I really WANT a camper, boat, big house, huge yard, cottage, etc when I am in my 60’s?

2. Partnered Parents with 1 kid: I like to call these parents “Practice Parents.” When you have only one child you are really not that inconvenienced. 1 kid is portable and shareable. Each parent can have equal share (even though most times we know Mom’s do most of the work). If one parent has something they’d like to do, it isn’t too big of a deal for the other to keep the child occupied. It is also easy to hire a babysitter or ask a family member to keep one child. Start adding complexity to the equation, and your social life ends. Most of my friends with one child still seem to lead pretty fun lives. Their Facebook pages claim they are going on vacations, many have boats, cottages, etc. I know when I only had one, I pretty much did everything I wanted to do…I just brought Manudo with me…she was portable like that.

3. Parents with 2 kids: These are the justice scale parents. They either have 1 kid for each hand, or divide the kids up equally between the parents. Extra lucky are the parents that get one kid of each sex. Then they can divide by gender and everyone is happy! It is still somewhat feasible to ask a family member to watch them so you and your partner can have some alone time…just don’t do it too often, as that leads to:

Oh look, mommy and daddy were busy with 2 of the 3 kids!

4. Parents with 3 or more kids: These are the adults that are frazzled ALL THE TIME. When you have 3 or more kids you never have enough hours in the day, money in the bank, or hands to keep them all in line. For some reason adding that 3rd (and subsequent) child will turn your household into a war-zone. Why is it that if I take any one of my kids out of the equation the other two will get along and not fight at all? As soon as the 3rd returns from wherever they have been, all hell breaks loose! Parents with 3 or more kids also find it is more difficult to do things as a family…there is no more “pairing off” as 1 child will always be free to cause chaos upon the world. 3 or more kids is especially “fun” when they all have to go to the restroom and there is only 1 parent around. At what age is is inappropriate for me to force my son to go to the ladies room cuz the girls have to go? Am I supposed to just leave him out in the restaurant to his own devices?

Image result for single parent 4. Single parents: These folks are SAINTS and SUPERHEROS! I have been there and it was extremely trying, difficult, and many times overwhelming. No matter HOW many kids single parents have, it is always difficult. Add more than 1 and your life becomes ruled by the laws of fairness and your brain becomes fixated on technology for cloning. How the heck is a person supposed to work and get 3 kids to 3 different activities, all the while planning nutritious meals and helping with homework? At some point, a single parent learns a lesson that many paired parents do not figure out until their kids hammer it into their brains during the horrid “I hate my parents” teenage years. This lesson is: We are not perfect, we will make mistakes, and worst of all we will disappoint the little people in our lives who used to think we are perfect. That look in your child’s eyes the first time you forget to pack the permission slip or are late to pick them up after school is heartbreaking for every parent. I think the Single parents feel it to a higher degree because they feel like they have to be even more perfect than their peers who have partners. I mean at least partnered parents have someone else to blame, am I right?

Which kind of Adult are you? What are some of the challenges I have missed? What do you love most about the life you are living with or without kids?

Until next time,

Nic

Uncategorized

Working in a Gender Bending Role…….The Negatives

June 16, 2011 Momginerd

Last week I focused on the positives of working in a non-traditional career. Today, I plan on cluing you in to some of the more unpleasant aspects.

1. No, I am not an expert on ALL things female. I am sorry, but I do not know why your wife acts the way she does (except perhaps because YOU are a jackhole?) when you complain about why your dinner isn’t prepared when you get home. I have NO idea why she has denied you sex, drives the way she does, asks you the questions she does, or ignores your pleas for her to change. Please talk to your wife, not me. Having boobs does not make me an expert on all things female, just sayin’.

2. The noises. Working in cubeville with all men leads to overhearing sounds that I give time-outs to for my own son. Some of the doozies are: Snorking, the act of sucking snot while clearing your throat resulting in a sound that resembles a Canadian Goose dying. Farting, no definition required, I am sure. Burping/belching, this occurs a lot, and loudly, and is usually accompanied by a description of exactly which food led to said expelling of gas and how it tasted “coming back up.” Horking, like snorking, but without the snot sucking….just as gross and usually proceeds the sound of Spitting into the nearest trash can.

3. The advice. Just because you happen to have a penis and 10 or more years on me, does not make you the expert on all things dealing with me, my parenting, my marriage, my weight, my diet, my health, how I color my hair, my driving, how I spend my free time, which beverages I like to consume when not working, or what a “smart and pretty lady like you should do next in my career.”
4. The Nicknames. Oh yeah, I have a few. Some of them are mean, some are condescending and pretty much most of them are inappropriate. I have been dubbed the Princess Bitch, Little Lady, Work Wife, Bossy Lady, Aggressive Wench….etc, I could go on and on, but I think you get the picture. I would like to say that just because I am in charge, I am not a bitch. I don’t hear you bitching about the Men who have similar expectations of you….my having female parts does not detract from the fact that I have a brain and I have earned my spot as a leader. So, STFU and keep it to yourself.

5. Did you know that if there is a woman in a generally all male workgroup it is the unspoken rule that said woman must organize all social events for the group? She must remember all birthdays and arrange for any activities for the birthday? She is also in charge of collecting and purchasing gifts for the group members’ wives who have children. I did not realize that a vijayjay came with the unique ability to be the work wife of every person who works in my department! Thanks….especially since when I was the one having the babies, nobody did jack shit. I guess I should have purchased something for myself and then asked for donations and passed around my own card….Jackholes.

6. Guilt. I believe that when you work with all men, mommy guilt tends to be magnified. Most of the men I work with when their kids are ill and unable to go to school their wives take care of them. Well, I am the MOM and my kids want me when they are sick. They also want me to go to their graduations, games and other activities that to me are more important than keeping a chair warm at my office. I am mobile and always available via BlackBerry and laptop. I am actually more productive from home as all my co-workers aren’t coming by to ask me about all their wives “womanly issues.” However, it never fails that if I take time to do something for my kids, I get a snide comment from a co-worker the next day.

So, there are a few snippets of being a woman working in a Man’s world. All in all, I enjoy it, but there are some days I want to just remind them of their manners and put them in time-out!

Until next time,
Nic

Uncategorized

Working in a gender bending role….The positives

June 8, 2011 Momginerd

This will be the first of a two part series. Because I like to consider myself an optimist, I am going to start with the positives :).

First a bit of background. I am a manufacturing engineer and I work in a 2.5M square foot manufacturing facility. I work for one of the Big 3 American Automotive companies. Yes, there are other women who work in my plant, but the majority of them do not work in an engineering capacity. There are many hardworking women working on the production line, a few work in Finance, and then there are a few who work in the Administrative role. These are all very important jobs within my company, but are more stereotypically “female.” Of the approximately 3,000 people employed at my plant, there are about 8 women in a “technical leadership role.”

1. I ALWAYS look good. Seriously, if you are a woman who is feeling down on yourself, consider a career change. I never go at least one day where I am not cat-called, oogled, hit on, or otherwise made to feel like men find me attractive. Of course, these are the SAME men that wouldn’t glance my way in a bar. When compared to the competition in a plant, I AM the hot one, and frankly if feels good sometimes at my advanced maternal age.
2. Just one of the guys. After a while my breasts seem to lose their ability to make men check themselves in their manners. At first when I started in this position, the “guys” would constantly be excusing themselves for swearing, putting down women, or otherwise just being men. This may sound like a negative, but in actuality it is a good thing. I get much more accomplished now that I am earning their respect for the quality of my work instead of the size of my bra.

3. Respect from folks outside of my plant. I think that when acquaintances hear what I do for a career many of them are unnecessarily impressed. In the grand scheme of things, I really don’t think it is that impressive. I mean, at the end of the day, exactly WHAT I am doing at work really will not mean anything in the long run. The fact that I am a divorced mother with 3 young children who have all thus far managed to not become derelicts and be placed in juvie, well that is impressive!

4. I can hold my own in just about any situation. I was blessed to have earned a fair amount of education and experience in the last 42 years of living. Working in manufacturing has given me the opportunities to learn about a lot of things many women wouldn’t. For example, HH and I are going to remodel our kitchen. I have learned enough through my experiences that I feel confident in designing, planning, installing, and working on my own home. Yeah, I know it makes you feel better that I am more concerned about engineering my own home than the car you drive your family around in daily. The difference is, I have to LIVE in my kitchen daily, you, I may not even ever have to meet (just kidding, truly!).

5. I have a lot of male friends. This is a good thing because even if I am totally not interested in any sporting/hunting/car racing/golfing/etc events I can discuss them with a level of intelligence as to not embarrass myself. I gain these little tidbits through osmosis by having to hear the stats at the beginning and end of every meeting.

6. Cutting through the bullshit. Let’s face it, talking with men is a totally different dynamic than talking with women. Women are about the details, men are about the facts, in most cases. Through dealing with mostly men, I have gained the ability to listen to a topic and pick out the relevant parts of it quickly and succinctly. Why is this a positive? Because, when dealing with teachers, coaches, kids, contractors, doctors, husbands (wink), etc, I can listen to what they say and then hone in on the main points quickly. This speeds things up tremendously, and frankly I do not have the time to listen to long drawn out stories when I have exactly 23 minutes to feed 3 kids and cart them to 3 separate activities all while sweeping the floors, doing dishes, and managing both HH and my EX’s social calendars.

7. The wardrobe. I do not have to spend oodles of money on fancy clothes. I wear basic pants, a blouse or a sweater, a blue supervisor’s jacket complete with my name and company logo embroidered on my breasts, steel-toed shoes, bright yellow hard hat, and safety glasses EVERY SINGLE working day. And, because men or so fashionably clueless, I rotate the same 5 outfits every single week (yeah, I know I dress like that and #1 still applies!). Of course, they still ARE men, so I do have one low cut blouse that I pull out if I really need to get a job done more quickly….works every time! It’s funny how making the girls a little more perky can remind these guys that I am STILL a woman ;-).

All in all, I am fortunate that I have a good job that allows me to have a decent home, comfortable life, and lots of opportunities to learn!

Be looking for the not so positives in the near future!

Nic

relationships, women

I have Reverse Anorexia……..

June 2, 2011September 11, 2018 Momginerd

So, on my Facebook page today a friend posted this ad from the Body Shop that was pulled after Barbie, INC threatened them:

It made me realize that even though I most likely look like this ad, or perhaps even worse, in my mind, I look more like this (but brunette):

Image result for heidi klum angel

My reverse anorexia (I THINK I am skinnier than I truly am) displays itself in numerous situations. Here are a couple of examples.

1) I have dated and even married very handsome men in the past. I mean they actually gets hit on all the time when we are together, so I can only imagine what happens when we are not…okay, I prefer to think my love turns into an ugly ogre when he is not in my presence, but that is probably NOT true. Anyway, we go places and I am thinking in my head, “Oh I look so cute and my butt looks awesome in these jeans.” Then we walk by a mirror and I am all like “Who is that fat chick with MY man? Why is she holding his hand? Doesn’t she see I am right here?” Only to then realize that fat chick is me! It is a complete moment of cognitive dissonance when that occurs. I actually want to ask if I really do look as fat as mirrors MAKE me look. But I don’t because I really don’t want to know the answer….because in my MIND there is no way that could be me, and it is the damn mirror’s fault for having some sort of freaky fun house effect that only reflects me like that but not my partner.

2) Shopping for clothes. NOT fun with reverse anorexia, let me tell you. I go to the rack and think I know my size, then I end up in the horrible mirrored room (and YES, I do believe those mirrors are rigged to make you look even fatter than you really are), and do some serious yoga type moves to wrestle my way into the clothes….only to have to do reverse yoga to get them back off again. I treat it as exercise and feel after all that “yoga” I really do deserve a nice Mocha from Starbucks ;-), but then I won’t get that yummy mocha cuz one of my skinny friends told me it has more calories than a Big Mac. Instead I go and purchase yet more spanx to ensure that the muffin remains contained in the pants I just bought 1 size too small because “I will be that size again soon.”

3) Friends who really are skinny….you suck. Well, you probably don’t but every time I see one of my many fabulously thin and gorgeous friends I feel incredibly jealous and think they don’t eat or must exercise like crazy…only to go to lunch with them and watch them consume more calories in 1 meal than I allow myself to eat in a week….damn you, but I know you don’t mind when I sneak some of your fries ;-)!

4) Kids….Yes they do say that darnedest things. I love my 3 munchkins, but Damn they know how to tweak a person’s sense of false reality. Princepessa told me the other day, “I love hugging you mommy, you are sssssooooo squishy.” Yeah, exactly not what I wanted to hear.

I go back and forth on this issue in my head. I will be really good and do all that exercise crap, eat like a rabbit, give up my precious Merlot and drop 15 lbs…only to reward myself for all my hard work by picking those lbs right back up…on my ass. *sigh*

So, if admitting your problem is half the cure, I am hoping by publicly admitting to my reverse anorexia I will either will myself thin, or just accept that I am an almost middle aged mother of 3 kids with a muffin top….wtith an added bonus of a totally hot husband who thinks I am gorgeous no matter what the label in my pants says.

Cheers!
Nic