kids – Page 2 – Momginerd

I am small, but I will bite your ankles and bring you DOWN!

The following is a true story about my 8 year old son, Bubbie “the Crusher”. He plays junior league football and also is in cub scouts. He isn’t the greatest (by far) player on the team and is on the developmental squad. This basically means he plays a grand total of 10 plays per game. He practices 5 days per week for 2 hours per day…..for a total of 5 minutes playing time per game (the games last about 2.5 hours, you do the math). Oh, and bubbie is the smallest kid on the team. He weighs a whopping 50 lbs….the biggest kid weighs 117 lbs. WHUCK?!? Imagine Angry Birds….Imagine a 117 pound kid tackling your 50 LB kid….Bubbie is the bird and the ground is the green pig.

The other day it was Bubbie’s first day as a Bear Scout. He woke up that morning and was SO excited. This kid loves all things outdoors and knows just about every creepy fact one could ever want to, not want to, or even dream about knowing about bugs…..yeah, I know. Take this factoid, shared during dinner the other night:

“Mom, did you know a cockroach can live nine days without eating. This is also the same amount of time that the body of a cockroach can live after its head has been cut off before it eventually dies from starvation.” Um……I think I am done eating now. Thank you Bubbie for introducing a new diet trend: Gross mom out so she can’t eat. I am sure it will be all the rage.

So, cub scouts is a natural fit for him and something he has really been looking forward to doing this year. It just so happens that football also has practice on the same day….of course football has practice everyday, so it pretty much puts our lives in chaos for 4 months (Princepessa and Manudo are cheerleaders for the same league as well). Being the momginerd I am, I have read the rules and regulations for the league very thoroughly. These rules specifically state that a football player can miss up to 1 unexcused practice per week and not be punished by the coach or miss any game playing time (hahahah, if 5 whole minutes counts as playing time). Bubbie’s coach is a bit……..well…..let’s just say he is really in to coaching this team. Like when the kids (these are 8 and 9 year old BOYS) lost a game, he practiced them so hard over half of them were crying and/or puking the next day….nice. Anyway, the much anticipated day of cub scouts arrived and Bubbie proudly wore his den shirt to school and drove us all nuts asking questions about what we thought he’d learn that day. This is every mom’s dream! To have a kid actually excited about learning! Am I right?

That evening when I picked him up from the den meeting he was engrossed into reading his new book and was bursting with information and excitement about all the activities he’d be doing with his den and pack. It was also raining, torrentially. I gave him the choice, we can hurry home and change for football, or he could go home do his homework and we’d start working on one of his badge activities. To be fair, he does like football and hardly ever complains about going to practice. He was nervous about how Coach would react to his missing a practice. In my head I was thinking, “What is he going to do, make you play MORE as punishment?” When we walked to the car and needed bath towels to dry off he (smartly, in my opinion) decided to stay home where it was warm, dry, and not doing pushups in to the mud (okay, you caught me, I only make him do that when he really pisses me off).

The next day at practice the following conversation occurred between Bubbie and Coach:

Coach: Why weren’t you at practice yesterday?
Bubbie: I had cub scouts.
Coach: CUB SCOUTS!!!! What is more important around here, boy, Cub Scouts or FOOTBALL!
Bubbie: Cub Scouts, I actually get to participate in cub scouts.
Coach: *Crickets*

I never in my life wanted so badly to run up and give my kid a huge hug and a kiss in front of everyone. I did spare him the embarassment, but he got an extra big piece of homemade pie that night for dessert…just because.

Now before the flames start, I will say football has been a great experience for the Bubster. He may be small, but he has learned the value of effort over size, teamwork, tenacity, and keeping your head down so it doesn’t get ripped off.

Until next time,
Nic

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divorce, parenting

Making divorce with kids involved work….sort of…..

September 21, 2011September 11, 2018 Momginerd

Lately I have been getting a few questions from colleagues and friends as to just how I make my divorce work. And eventhought Divorce and Making Things Work seems to be dichotomus, I thought I’d share some of the strategies that I have chosen to use and, thankfully, Ex follows along (if only he was so ammendable when we were married!).

1. Keep the kids first

Whenever I am deciding on a schedule change for the kids, personal decisions relating to my career, vacations, meal planning, etc I ALWAYS think of the kids first. If this change or decision would add undue stress to their schedules of lives, I just do not do it, or I change my plans. Even though I am remarried, HH is perfectly clear and understanding that the kids come first, and he, poor soul is a distant 4th.

2. Communicate, communicate, communicate

We use ALL these and more to keep
try and keep in touch, it seems.

Ex and I communicate every.single.mother.furking.day. Seriously! We either text, phone or email daily updates about the kids at least once a day. Some days, it seems like I talk to my Ex more than I talk to HH. I will admit, when we were in the process of getting divorced this communication wasn’t always pleasant or positive. It took time, energy, patience and dedication to strategy #1 for us both to make it work. I automatically forward every email/text I receive dealing with any of the kids school/social/athletic events. I will also Text and/or call Ex to REMIND him of events and exactly what is required for said event (special shirt, $$, gear, etc). It takes a lot of time, energy and patience, but it makes #1 work better…at the end of the day my mantra is “It is for the kids, if they are happy, I am happy.”

3. Agree to disagree

Ex and I definitely have different ideas on raising kids, morals, religion, etc. If we didn’t then we most likely would not be Exes. We finally came to a point about 6 months after our divorce was finalized that we agreed to disagree. This means that sometimes he makes decisions I don’t agree with (like having a babysitter for the kids almost every weekend he has them), but I do my best to keep my $.02 to myself about his decisions. He does the same for me, although he has little to complain about since I am so perfect ;-).

4. Let go and FORGIVE

OMG! They are KISSING
AGAIN!!!!!

No matter the circumstances that led to the end of your marriage you must learn to forgive your ex and more importantly, yourself. There can never be the end of a relationship that resulted in children when both parties do not feel some sort of guilt. Learning to forgive yourself and your ex will allow you to move on and become a better parent. Most folks had NO clue that Ex and I were going to get a divorce…until we did. We didn’t fight, we didn’t argue….we also didn’t love each other anymore. We were two people living separate lives in the same house. We do more together NOW than we did when we were married. I felt SO guilty about “breaking up my family and doing this to my kids.” I finally forgave myself when I realized that the marriage I had was NOT the example I wanted to set forth for my kids of a healthy adult relationship.

Until next time,

Nic

parenting

Here is my take on the different types of Adults in America

August 30, 2011September 11, 2018 Momginerd

In America there are many different groups of “Adults.” These can be broken down into distinct categories, each with their own unique features.

Here is how I see them:

1. DINKs (Dual income, no kids): These are the people who have worked hard at their careers and have decided either by choice or circumstance not to have kids. To those of us with kids, these people live the high life. They tend to have fancy toys, go on vacations, have no clue about that particular torture other parents call “kid(s) in team sports”, or limitations on spending money. I have some of these friends, and I can honestly say I am jealous of their lifestyle. When my other parented friends discuss this we always go back to the “Oh well, we can do that when the kids are grown.” The failing I find in that logic is, I will OLD when my kids are grown. Will I really WANT a camper, boat, big house, huge yard, cottage, etc when I am in my 60’s?

2. Partnered Parents with 1 kid: I like to call these parents “Practice Parents.” When you have only one child you are really not that inconvenienced. 1 kid is portable and shareable. Each parent can have equal share (even though most times we know Mom’s do most of the work). If one parent has something they’d like to do, it isn’t too big of a deal for the other to keep the child occupied. It is also easy to hire a babysitter or ask a family member to keep one child. Start adding complexity to the equation, and your social life ends. Most of my friends with one child still seem to lead pretty fun lives. Their Facebook pages claim they are going on vacations, many have boats, cottages, etc. I know when I only had one, I pretty much did everything I wanted to do…I just brought Manudo with me…she was portable like that.

3. Parents with 2 kids: These are the justice scale parents. They either have 1 kid for each hand, or divide the kids up equally between the parents. Extra lucky are the parents that get one kid of each sex. Then they can divide by gender and everyone is happy! It is still somewhat feasible to ask a family member to watch them so you and your partner can have some alone time…just don’t do it too often, as that leads to:

Oh look, mommy and daddy were busy with 2 of the 3 kids!

4. Parents with 3 or more kids: These are the adults that are frazzled ALL THE TIME. When you have 3 or more kids you never have enough hours in the day, money in the bank, or hands to keep them all in line. For some reason adding that 3rd (and subsequent) child will turn your household into a war-zone. Why is it that if I take any one of my kids out of the equation the other two will get along and not fight at all? As soon as the 3rd returns from wherever they have been, all hell breaks loose! Parents with 3 or more kids also find it is more difficult to do things as a family…there is no more “pairing off” as 1 child will always be free to cause chaos upon the world. 3 or more kids is especially “fun” when they all have to go to the restroom and there is only 1 parent around. At what age is is inappropriate for me to force my son to go to the ladies room cuz the girls have to go? Am I supposed to just leave him out in the restaurant to his own devices?

Image result for single parent 4. Single parents: These folks are SAINTS and SUPERHEROS! I have been there and it was extremely trying, difficult, and many times overwhelming. No matter HOW many kids single parents have, it is always difficult. Add more than 1 and your life becomes ruled by the laws of fairness and your brain becomes fixated on technology for cloning. How the heck is a person supposed to work and get 3 kids to 3 different activities, all the while planning nutritious meals and helping with homework? At some point, a single parent learns a lesson that many paired parents do not figure out until their kids hammer it into their brains during the horrid “I hate my parents” teenage years. This lesson is: We are not perfect, we will make mistakes, and worst of all we will disappoint the little people in our lives who used to think we are perfect. That look in your child’s eyes the first time you forget to pack the permission slip or are late to pick them up after school is heartbreaking for every parent. I think the Single parents feel it to a higher degree because they feel like they have to be even more perfect than their peers who have partners. I mean at least partnered parents have someone else to blame, am I right?

Which kind of Adult are you? What are some of the challenges I have missed? What do you love most about the life you are living with or without kids?

Until next time,

Nic

Uncategorized

The Princepessa is six going on sixteen!

July 19, 2011September 11, 2018 Momginerd

Even though I like to eat cavegirl style,
I am a GIRLY girl!

This is my Princepessa. 6 years ago today she entered the world charming me, our doula, her dad and the entire hospital staff with her perfectness…she continues her journey of charming almost all who meet her daily. She is the most social of my 3 kids as well as being the most outgoing. She also has a killer sense of humor!

Here are some snippets of conversations either heard or relayed that Princepessa has had:

1. At 3 years old Princepessa was in a daycare. She had fallen and hit her head. The policy of the school is to call whenever any type of injury occurs involving the head. The teacher took her in to the office to make the call. While I was speaking with her teacher, Princepessa had the following discussion with the administrative assistant of the school:

P: You are very beautiful Ms. B.
Ms. B: Thank you P.
P: Ms. B, Why are your boobies so big?
Ms. B: Because that’s the way God made them.
P: After thinking about it for a while responds, “Well you must have been a really good angel before you were born for God to give you those boobies, they are VERY nice!”

2. Our Nanny, aka the kind woman who keeps me sane, took Princepessa and her siblings swimming this Summer at a friend’s house. Nanny’s friend is this gorgeous Chaldean girl with this beautifully bronze skin. P asked her if she had been tanning. The kind lady explained that no, she was born with darker skin. Princepessa responded, “Well your mommy must have had a sunlamp in her tummy for you to have such tan skin!”

3. On my recent birthday we had the following conversation:
P: Happy Birthday Mommy! You are the most gorgeous mommy in the whole universe. You are better than a Princess, you are the Queen of all beautiful mommies!”
Me: Thanks! I love you so much, I think you are the sweetest little girl in the whole universe!
P: I love you so much that when you die, I am coming to your memorial service and then every single year I will go to your grave and put flowers on it!
Me: That would be nice, but could we please not discuss my dying on my birthday?
P: Well, did you know that if you live to be 100 years old the President will call you on your birthday? How many more years will that be for you, mommy?
Me: 48
P: Well…….oh…….that’s a long time…..but, I will put flowers on your grave every year.

Not only is the precious child precocious, she is also very smart and very artistic. She is the kind of kid that will sit for hours and hours completing art projects. All of which are “Special” and must be hung up and are dedicated to me, her “most awesomist mom in the world.” HOWEVER, she cannot focus long enough to remember to flush the toilet!

I bet even this can can remember to flush, but
Princepessa always forgets!

She is the ultimate girly girl, which I think is one of the things that proves to me God has a sense of humor. I am about as girly as a lumberjack. For her birthday these are her top items on her list: Glitter make-up, nail polish, diamonds, rubies, all day spa trip, and high heeled shoes……PLEASE SHOOT ME NOW! I had to break her heart and tell her that she has caviar taste on a hot dog budget…..Then she added caviar to her wish list!

Hello! I am P’s new best friend!

Princepessa has never met a stranger. In fact she has never met an acquaintance. All new people are her new BFF’s. She HUGS everyone, and I mean everyone she meets. This is all cute and adorable on TV, but not so much when you are her mother and it is your job to keep her safe from the creepy people in the world. I am constantly reminding her that if she doesn’t know the person’s name, chances are they are strangers. She will then proceed to introduce herself, so that they can be new BFF’s and she can hug them. *sigh* I have been castigated by strangers for not teaching her “stranger danger” I kid you not! I always respond by letting them know that they are more than welcomed to buy her on eBay and teach her themselves. She is currently listed at $1B…any takers?

Until next time!
Nic

parenting

My Daughter is my hero

June 28, 2011September 11, 2018 Momginerd

This is my oldest daughter. I want to be like her when I grow up. She is tall, thin, goofy, funny, modest, gorgeous and extremely intelligent. I have learned so many things from her, and most of them are things about myself.

Manudo is a voracious reader. I never thought that I would ever say to a child “Put the book down.” I sometimes find her under her covers with a flashlight reading at night! Then, she wakes up all cranky the next morning and can’t understand why…duh….

The biggest lesson Manudo has taught me is that it is OKAY to be different. She is her own person, all the time. She does not bend to convention or peer pressure. If someone doesn’t like her, she really doesn’t care. If someone does something stupid, she isn’t afraid to confront them. Until Manudo, I thought being popular with my peers was really important. To this day I still get hurt feelings if my friends have a party and don’t invite me. My quirky daughter has taught me that the people who really matter are the ones that want you to be with them…and if they don’t then it really isn’t worth getting your panties in a wad about because they really don’t matter.

She is a fierce protector of her little siblings. It is ironic to me that she will beat the Hell out of them and yell about how annoying they are, but if another person even comes near them she is like a tigress protecting her cubs. Of course, five minutes later she is telling them that she wishes she was an only child.

Manudo is the kid that offers to help out at parties by helping the adults clean or watching all the smaller children. She has an old soul, I think, and really likes being around older kids and adults more than kids her own age. When I asked her about it she said, “Girls my age are into crazy stuff like Justin Bieber, make-up, giggling and other time wasters.” I kid you not. There are no posters hanging on the walls and most of the time she forgets to turn her cell phone on!

Manudo also has a very kind heart. She never forgets a birthday or other special occasion. She also still thinks I am cool. That in itself is a great feeling and a miracle. Many of my friends with kids the same age are already complaining that their kids don’t want to spend time with them….Sometimes I wish Manudo was more like that. I swear that she follows me around like a shadow. At least 10 times per day she bumps into me if I stop because she is constantly under-foot.

Now, don’t get me wrong. This child is far from perfect. I get eye-rolls, screams of “You are so not fair” and other normal pre-teen angst from her. But all in all, she is a fabulous daughter and an even more amazing young woman. She has taught me that being a geeky nerd who never really fits in is Okay and to love myself a little bit more than I did before I met her. I thought I was the one who is supposed to be teaching her life’s lessons.

Until next time,
Nic

divorce, relationships

No, I am not your wife anymore….

June 20, 2011September 13, 2018 Momginerd

My kids’ dad is still very much involved in their lives. We share 50/50 custody, so we interact a lot. A lot more than I would really like, but in the theme of “keeping the kids first” I always answer his calls and try to help him if he asks. My Ex likes to think that since we once were married, I should still do lots of favors for him…NO not that kind of favors, step up to the gutter people! ;-).

For example: He decided to get Lasik eye surgery. Not that big of a deal, but then he thought it was appropriate to ask ME to take him to his appointment. Um….really!?! I would have had to take one of my few precious vacation days to do this and I have much better things to do with my vacation days. I did, however, arrange for my uncle to take him. And, because I still felt guilty for not taking him, I made him a home cooked dinner and delivered it to his house that evening (yeah, I know, I am enabling the behavior).

Not a single day goes by when he doesn’t call me at least 10 times to ask me something. Sometimes they are important, like what exactly is it again that Bubbie is allergic to eating (yeah, you would think after 8 years he’d know what the kid can and can not eat, but I digress). Other times it is stupid shit. He literally called me 3 times once to ask directions to Manudo’s softball game. Did I mention that I bought him a GPS one year for Father’s day?
Some of the other lovely things he calls about is to ask me to set him up with my friends. Like I would do that? He wasn’t a good enough husband to me to stayed married to, so why would I foist him off one one of my friends, I mean I actually LIKE most of my friends? Now HH’s ex…that would be another story ;-). He also thinks that I am his permanent babysitter. Whenever he has a date, tickets to an event, golf game, hangnail, eye twitch or headache he thinks it is my job to take the kids. Most of the time I welcome the extra time with them, but sometimes I actually have plans! I mean, one of the benefits of sharing custody is that I actually can make plans sometimes without having to worry about hiring a babysitter. He then likes to pull the guilt trip on me if I occasionally say no. He will say: “but you are remarried so you have 2 adults to care for the kids….I am all alone.” I want to say to him: “Ever think you are all alone because you keep acting like you are still married to me?” What lady would want to be with someone who can’t even remember how to get to his daughter’s softball game, at the same field she had just played at 2 days ago, without calling his Ex 3 times for directions?

His latest “favor” is asking me to plan a vacation for him. He’d like me to make all the plans for him to take the kids on a vacation this Summer. He said, and I quote: “you know what they like, here is my budget, just tell me where and when and I will take them.” REALLY! Like I want to plan some fantasmic vacation for YOU to get all the credit? You know what they really like? Going someplace and having to do lots of chores. Let me know how that works out for you.

Now, as I said, 90% of the time I suck it up and help him out. But some days, I just want to tell him to stick it up his arse. I feel like I give, give, give, and 90% of the time he just takes. On the rare occasion I will ask him to return a favor, he invariably says no because he is golfing, watching TV, picking his ass, or any other myriad of excuses.

At the end of the day, I just keep chanting this mantra: It is for the kids, the kids appreciate that I help their dad out.

I know that one day the kids will know that even if I am the strict parent, I am the one that helped hold their lives together, especially their Dad’s.

I do have say that I am absolutely happy that my Ex is so involved with the kids, and he does try. I would much prefer to have to schedule and run his life than have him abandon or miss out on time with the kids. All in all, he is a great dad to them, he is just clueless about what is and is not appropriate to ask me.