girls – Momginerd

Warning, this is a rant post. If you are here today for some humor, you will most likely be disappointed. Granted, there may be snippets of sarcasm, but this is a subject matter that is serious and deserves a serious post.

Recently I posted a link to a YouTube video of a very pretty, talented and sad girl named Amanda Todd on my Facebook page. Since then (and NO I am not taking credit for the blow up, lol, I am sure it was coincidental), there has been a lot of discussion about this young lady and her tragic story which ultimately led to her suicide. Her story has gone viral, and I see at least 30 – 40 people re-posting either the original video or links to a page dedicated to her on my oldest daughter’s Facebook page. Does this girl deserve to be remembered? YES! Does my heart break for her? ABSOLUTELY! Do I think she could have avoided what happened if she had the ability to think of consequences? Maybe. I urge us all to look at the entire story and the circumstances that went into what led to her ultimate decision to take her own life. Use this not only as a lesson about what impact there is when a child is bullied, but as a lesson to teach our children that there are consequences for their digital actions. Stop and THINK before you post!

I am CONSTANTLY telling Manudo to think not once, not twice, not three times, but 100 times before posting a photo of herself on any of the multitude of social networking sites to which she currently belongs. The list includes: Twitter, Facebook, GifBoom, Skype, Instagram, etc. Some of these give the false impression that if you post something, decide it is inappropriate or you don’t like it, that you can choose to edit or remove the content. I have news for you: Once something is on the Internet, it is there FOREVER. All it takes is for one person to save that image to their personal computer and repost it…just like what happened in Amanda’s case.

If you have kids in the 12 – 17 age range, I am sure that they have at least a Facebook page. My challenge to you is to log into your child’s Facebook page (and if you don’t have access to your minor child’s page, then shame on you), and look at what they are posting, Instant Messaging, and HIDING from you. Also, look at what their so called friends are posting. I will guarantee you that you will find any number of inappropriate posts/pictures/comments that will make you want to wash your eyes out with bleach. On my daughter’s feed I have seen “friends” calling each other: Gay, Homo, Loser, Ugly, Bitch, Slut, Dick, Asshole, Stupid, Thug, Retard, Nigga’, Butt Buddy, Fat, Anorexic, Pimple Faced, the list goes on and on and on. Seriously, if you have “friends” who do this to you what would your enemies be saying? What is even more disturbing to me, as a mother, is the way that girls and boys are constantly “pimping” themselves out there by asking for “rates” on their photos. Some will take multiple photos daily and post them to the site. Not even an hour will go by and they post they are depressed because their photo didn’t get as many “likes” or comments as they felt necessary to make them feel like a worthwhile human beings. I have seen 12 and 13 year old girls posting pictures of their “cleavage”, full length bikini pictures (with the caption, do I look fat?), pictures of their asses, and sexually suggestive photos of themselves. I have seen 12 and 13 year old girls posting about liking sex, wanting to “blow” someone, and pictures of themselves kissing and making out. Whatever happened to the saying “Pretty is as Pretty Does?” And the girls aren’t alone, boys are doing just as inappropriate texting/posting/etc.

I was very surprised, and impressed, when one of my daughter’s friends posted this picture:

BOTH stories are sad, but, could one have ended differently if they thought about the consequences of their actions? Bullying is a very serious issue. I also know I have been guilty of thinking “Well, I was bullied as a kid, and I grew up and was fine.” However, kids who are bullied today face the fact that their torment is documented and shared virally, while the rest of us older than 20 only had to make it through the day at school. These poor kids are stalked in ways we can only imagine. It makes me nauseated to just think of it, and even more ill to think of how I would handle it if my child was the target of such bullying as Amanda or any number of other children who are just trying to fit in today.

All I know is I am and WILL monitor my children’s social media until they are 18. Our deal is if you want access to these sites, you have to give me your log-in information. Same rule applies to cell phones and texting. It isn’t because I am nosy and do not respect my kids privacy, it is because I am their mother and my first job is to protect them, not FRIEND them.

Rant over. I am sure many of you disagree, but if you think I made any valid points, please talk to your kids and better yet, share this post with your friends.

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Rites of Passage or Mothering a Junior High School Daughter (God Help me now!)

November 1, 2011September 11, 2018 Momginerd

I wanted to be a Zombie, but Mom made me pretty instead

Last week, at least in my mind, Manudo looked like this on Halloween. All that was important was being pretty or scary, getting lots of attention, and KNOWING that Mommy would always be there to take care of her. She was always a unique child, even from a very young age. Manudo is one of those kids who doesn’t do things on a linear slope, she does them in peaks. She has always been this way! She went from not walking or crawling to RUNNING, at 9 months. She never jibber jabbered, she spoke in sentences, before she was 1. She is like this in school too. I will be all worried about a poor grade in a course (I don’t know if online grade reporting is a blessing or a curse at this point), only to be surprised and delighted when she aces the final exam. Yes, this causes me lots of worry and trepidation, because I can’t predict any achievements based any sort of a curve for her, she either gets it 100% or doesn’t get it at all. And just because she doesn’t get it today, doesn’t mean in a day she won’t have 100%. It drives me absolutely bat-assed crazy!

This past week has involved many rites of passage for both of us. She and her team won 1st place in her cheerleading competition after a very difficult, heart wrenching (for mom, think mean girls), exhausting, thrilling, and “political” 4 months of 5 days per week practice. She was THRILLED. Then, she had her first dance at her Junior High School. In years past, Manudo has always been the child who wants to be something scary and totally made up for Halloween (above picture notwithstanding, since she was too young to pick then). She has been scary witches with warts and green skin, zombies, and skeletons……so perhaps my mommy spidey sense should have went off when she said she wanted to go to her dance as a “pretty witch.” But it didn’t. Manudo has never before expressed any interest in boys, attracting boys, or being around boys. She was still in the OMG, Boys are Gross stage….last week.

So, being the Cool Mom I am, I proceeded to go out and get her lots of “pretty witch” accouterments. She had gorgeous glittery false eye-lashes, eye make-up, lipstick, etc….I also spent about 45 minutes styling her almost to her waist hair. It was a lot of work, and she looked gorgeous. She kept hopping up and looking in the mirror, was asking all kinds of questions about make-up application, and was very critical if there were any smudges or the like. She kept asking how I learned to apply makeup, how hard is it to curl hair, and other beauty routine related questions. It was also the very first time EVER she didn’t scream like a howler monkey when I styled her hair….Still, I was clueless.

She asked me, specifically, to take her to the school for the party/dance. On the way there, she is asking me all sorts of questions about my first dance experience. It was quite the challenge to recall 100 years ago when I was in Jr. High, but I dredged up some memories about first dances. You remember the girls on one side, boys on the other…waiting with bated breath as a very cute Jake Ryan looking boy traversed the 100 miles of gym floor thinking: “Is he coming towards me? What will I do if he doesn’t ask me to dance? What will I do if he DOES? OMG, he is coming towards me, for real, I hope they play Stairway to Heaven, cuz it is like 8 minutes long” times?

As I shook myself out of my reverie to the past, I noticed she was very fidgety, anxious and nervous. Being still clueless, I said, “Are you nervous? Why are you so nervous? Sit still, you will mess up your hair and get glitter all over my car!” She then proceeded to ask, in a very tiny and timid voice, “Mommy do you think the boys will think I look pretty?” I was totally speechless and felt this odd prickling feeling behind my eyelids, and right then I was back in junior high with that feeling when the boy did not ask me to dance. I wanted to turn that glitter covered car around and put my intelligent, beautiful, and for the first time ever self-conscious daughter in some footy pajamas, make her some hot chocolate and read her “Goodnight Moon” for the 1 millionth time. Instead, I told her that the joy of dances is there are lots of boys there so if one doesn’t like her, there is a high chance that another one will for sure. She then said, “but what if “he” doesn’t think I look pretty”….and I almost ran over the cop directing traffic in and out of the school for the kiss and ride line. I told her that if “he” thinks she looks pretty in school, then “he’d” be blind and dumb to not think she looks pretty right now! And I felt yet more prickling behind my eyelids and realized that I was dropping my (in my mind) 3 year old daughter off to be ogled by nasty pubescent wolves! As we pulled up to our spot in the line for her to get out, she opened the door, hesitated for a second, then got out. Before she shut the door, she looked at me, and in her voice still reminiscent of when she really was 3 said, “Thank you and I love you Mommy.”

The prickling became a floodgate and I bawled the whole way home….without my daughter. But I guess, even at 12 her most important things about Halloween this year were: Looking pretty, getting lots of attention, and knowing that Mommy will always be there to take care of her!

Nic
P.S. She texted me after the dance and said “he” thought she looked awesome…..

I’d love to hear your thoughts on my blog! Please add your comments and let me know what you think….any ideas on what you’d like to read here? Let me know!

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Welcome to the Geekside

October 3, 2011September 11, 2018 Momginerd

Steve Jobs via Apple’s Ad campaign said it best:

To all you non-conformists, wierdos, nerds, geeks, techno-dweebs, oddballs, freaks, and crazies, I love you…keep up the good work because you are the ones who will one day change the world. When you look back through history at the “change makers” who do you think of? I think of people who did not just sit down and shut up, they stood up and SCREAMED their outrage. They didn’t listen to the nay-sayers that said “it couldn’t be done.” They proved them wrong in the face of all adversity…even when they may have thought deep down in their hearts that perhaps they couldn’t, they did not quit.

I invite all of you to be a geek, an oddball, a freak or a nerd. Come on over, the conversation is always stimulating and some of us are even a slight bit funny!

Nic

P.S. We usually have cool gadgets and good advice on how to fix your computer, program your remote, and knowledge of other esoteric things you may be curious about!

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Have some self respect already!

September 8, 2011September 11, 2018 Momginerd

I wouldn’t exactly call myself a feminist. I mean, I like being treated like a lady, having my door opened, being wooed as much as the next woman. However, perhaps because of my career (Engineer in manufacturing for any newbies to the site), I have a different perspective on the line between being a bra burning feminist and a lady. I also think that because I work in a male dominated (and lets face it, a better description is meathead dominated) job, I have developed dos and don’ts for how I handle myself and what I think (no, you don’t have to think like I do) is appropriate clothing for girls and women in public (what you all do in your own homes is your business!).

WHUCK?!?!?

For example, I do not think it is appropriate for young ladies to wear see-through shirts, daisy duke shorts, high heels, or thong underwear…all of which I saw with advertising targeted towards my 7th grade daughter while back to school shopping. It is not in my goals as a parent to teach my child to look like a whore…ever. Of course, I am in the minority in that my almost 12 year old is one of the few girls in her school that do not go to class with full-on make up either. I am fine with it…Manudo, hasn’t complained too much yet, but I plan on using the “When I was growing up….” explanation cuz we all know kids LOVE that one!

I also think it is inappropriate for adult women (and I use this term loosely) to wear clothing that is gender degrading. Why in the world would a grown woman want to walk around wearing a Hooter’s T-shirt, or even worse one from Playboy or Hustler? Especially when all of those built their MALE owned companies based on the objectification of women and their bodies. And before you ask, No, I haven’t had the wings, and I don’t care if they give me 3 minutes in heaven, you cannot tell me that most of the people who go there are going for the wings and not the, well, hooters. I am sure these are the same people who claim they read playboy and hustler for the “intellectually” stimulating articles….These people think women are here not only to be objectified but that they are dumb too!

However, I guess if your life’s goal as a woman is to have men stare at your boobs all day by choice then you are being successful. Bravo! Let me know how that works for you when your boobs are closer to your knees and you haven’t learned to get men to look you in the eye when talking to you.

I also believe that as a mom it is my job to teach both my daughters and even more importantly my son to respect women. Why is it that we all want our sons to be mommy’s boy, but then society is okay with said son becoming a person who disrespects woman (and by association their mothers) once they grow a few hairs you know where? Isn’t it important for our sons to think of women as smart, independent, and valuable life partners? Isn’t it important to teach our daughters to love their female friends and respect them? I am so upset by all the girl to girl bullying these days. It is bad enough that young girls have to compete with society’s vision of how they should look/act/dress, but to have to compete with their own female peers is just horrible.

Men, women, girls, boys, we all need to realize that women aren’t going anywhere, especially not back to heels and aprons and thinking that we are only as valuable as the men who care for us. All women deserve respect especially from themselves!

That’s not a smile, it is a grimace cuz her
feet are KILLING her!

Rant over…..for now!

Nic