community – Momginerd

I do not label myself based on politics. I may be labeled a liberal by conservatives or a conservative by liberals, but I really do not give a rat’s ass. What I am is a self thinking adult, I like to call myself a Humanist. I do not blindly follow ANY doctrine just because it is affiliated with a certain party/religion/group. I try to base my decisions on rational facts. I look at the pros/cons and then I make my own decision….some of which are based on emotion, I will confess. For example, I do not, will not ever, shop at Wal-Mart. I would rather spend extra money at another store, or drive extra miles than to give my money to them. I base this a personal decision on their policies towards women, benefits, and “take over the world” mentality. Hooters is another establishment that doesn’t get my money. It isn’t even based on fact, but just my emotional feeling that women shouldn’t have to dress provocatively to make money. Do their wings taste bad if the girls aren’t in hoochie clothes? The difference is I have the right to choose who gets my money, but I do not think that companies can morally say who they can take their money from.

Recently all the hoopla about Chick-fil-A has been making me confused and angry. I do not know if it was a brilliant way to get fat, lemming like Americans to eat more Fried Chicken, or if the ownership of that company really does not like 1/10th of the human population and feels that their money isn’t good enough for them. Whatever it is, I will NOT be eating there (although admittedly I don’t know if I ever have eaten there). To PROFIT off of alienating a group of people who just want to live their lives is shameful. I thought being a Christian meant that you have love and forgiveness for ALL people? I thought that being an American means protecting the rights of all? I don’t even care that they label themselves as a Christian establishment and are closed on Sundays. What bothers me is that they label themselves a Christian establishment and PROMOTE the hatred of human beings who are different.

When did Americans get so sanctimonious?

The Statue of Liberty tells us: “Give me your tired, your poor/ Your huddled masses yearning to breath free/ The wretched refuse of your teeming shore/ Send these, The homeless, tempest-tossed to me/ I lift my lamp beside the golden door!” I do not see anything in that statement about not letting in someone based on their sexual orientation.

I get that people join certain organizations (and I am pretty upset with the Boy Scouts right now, but that is a rant for another day) because those organizations are in line with their personal belief systems. However, an establishment that is for profit really should be open to ALL people, and their policy shouldn’t be to not hire/serve/cater to humans who are different. Would it be okay to start a restaurant that says no one with Autism can eat there because they may disturb the other patrons? It would be wrong because people with Autism are born that way….Just like people who are LGBT. Would anyone choose to be something that they know will result in them being the target of hatred, fear and persecution? Not if they have one ounce of intelligence in their brains. A better idea would be for Chick-fil-A to limit their service to obese people, however I guess the part about gluttony being a sin doesn’t matter as much to them as other passages in the Bible.

I have friends who I adore, love and cherish who believe differently than me and have different lifestyles than mine, and that is Okay! I would never base my friendship on if someone believes like me or agrees with me. I welcome their differences and always learn something or think about an issue I have not had to face before. I have friends that are gay, friends that are tea-baggers, Muslim friends, funny friends, serious friends, friends that are liberals, and friends that are just as confused as I am. It makes my life more enriched and allows me to better formulate my own personal opinion based on FACTS and not what I see on the news or am “instructed” to believe by politicians and other organizations.

Life is only black and white until you are forced into the gray. Usually you are forced into the gray because someone you love and adore goes through something that makes you open your eyes and have empathy. I hope for my children that they are not gay, because every parent does not want their child to be persecuted. However, if one or more of them are, I will still love, support, and make my own damn fried chicken for them!

I encourage you all to think about if someone you love dearly was told they were wrong/sinful/an abomination because of a circumstance of their birth. Does any other human being really have the right to judge? And, if we are judging, shouldn’t we judge on all criterion not just the ones that suit us and allow us to feel superior to others? Pride from self-righteousness is a sin too…….

Rant over…sorry if anyone was offended by my opinion. That’s okay if you are different, I will love and respect you anyway!

My community has experienced a tradgedy. One of our own has taken his own life. He left behind a wonderful family including a lovely wife and 5 children. This has affected me in many ways, and forced me to take a good long look in the mirror. Why?, you may be asking. My answer is because it is very easy to be irate and sad. Instead, I am forcing myself to try and look to the positive. I know this sounds so very contradictory, but if I allow myself to wallow in the negative feelings, it is easy to ascertain that I too will become depressed and in a negative mind frame….Oh, don’t get me wrong. I was there. I was SO very angry for survivors of this tragedy. But, I decided that my anger is misguided. I need to do something to help, because my anger is not going to make this family’s struggles any easier. This family is going to have a very difficult struggle not just emotionally, but financially as well.

I went to the memorial service, and I believe this is where my focus began to change from anger to empathy and compassion. There were SO many people there all there to support the family. There were children, parents, family, friends, clergy, teachers, principals, acquaintances and even strangers. All there to let this family know that WE will not desert them. There were donation cards for a trust set up for the children’s education, and when I went through the line, almost all of the envelopes were gone! I am part of a group that are gathering our collective financial and experintial resources to assist the family in getting their home in order. They were in the middle of a major remodel that the husband was doing himself. The remaining family does not have the skills nor resources to complete the job, and I would guess they will not be able to afford to pay a contractor. So, we are gathering money, construction materials and people with experience to go and get the house at least livable. It is a small thing in the grand scheme, but to me, as a mom, having a HOME to live in that is safe and welcoming is an important part of helping this family to heal.

I am proud of my community. Let’s face it, I live in a major metropolitan area, and many of us do not even know the names of the people who live in our neighborhood. Yet, in the face of a tragedy we all came together and took joy in the fact that the family seems to be doing okay, given the circumstances. Also, when a tragedy like th is happens, it has an effect on everyone.

This family is admired by all who have ever had the good fortune to meet any of them. The children are all gifted in thier own ways, but mostly in their ready smiles, politeness, and uniqueness that has inspired others. Their mother is a saint, I mean, would’t you have to be to have 5 well adjusted, well mannered, educationally successful kids? But, if nothing else I have learned that how people appear to casual acquaintences, and maybe even to close friends, is not how people really are behind the closed doors of their homes. All I know is that he was not in his right mind. I knew him as a very loving father, dedicated worker and compassionate partner to his wife…not the type of person who would take his own life. It is so very sad that it took a tragedy to bond us together. We all need to realize that the phrase “one never knows” is so very true. You may THINK you know, but at the end of the day, we are all cluelessly going on with our lives and hoping we are doing more good than harm.

Stages of Grief

This tragedy has opened my eyes to look at people differently, and I think it has had a similar effect on many other people as well. All of us who knew this family are greiving in our own way, but none more than the family. As much as we all want to help, sometimes our ideas of helping are not that helpful. I ran into the mother at the grocery store and she commented to me that everyone is trying to be so helpful, but she needed to go to the grocery on her own because it was “something normal.” And I felt guilty, because I was immediately angry for her that she had to go to the store! Talk about opening my eyes, and I am ashamed it took the person most connected to the tragedy to point out to me that for her doing something “normal” is how she is coping. Everyone experiences grief and healing differently, and it is not for us to judge. We need to accept and support, but never ever judge, because at the end of the day, you really do not know HOW you would react to an event of this magnitude unless you have lived the person’s life.

So, I am going to focus on being empathetic and not being angry. If I happen upon any of the family, I will greet them in the same manner I always have, and IF any of them want to talk, hug, joke around, whatever, I will gladly join in without judgement for how they are grieving. Grief is personal, pain is subjective, and healing is individualized.

Until next time,
Nic

Tag: community

What the Hell?

Tragedy…….