So, on my Facebook page today a friend posted this ad from the Body Shop that was pulled after Barbie, INC threatened them:
It made me realize that even though I most likely look like this ad, or perhaps even worse, in my mind, I look more like this (but brunette):
My reverse anorexia (I THINK I am skinnier than I truly am) displays itself in numerous situations. Here are a couple of examples.
1) I have dated and even married very handsome men in the past. I mean they actually gets hit on all the time when we are together, so I can only imagine what happens when we are not…okay, I prefer to think my love turns into an ugly ogre when he is not in my presence, but that is probably NOT true. Anyway, we go places and I am thinking in my head, “Oh I look so cute and my butt looks awesome in these jeans.” Then we walk by a mirror and I am all like “Who is that fat chick with MY man? Why is she holding his hand? Doesn’t she see I am right here?” Only to then realize that fat chick is me! It is a complete moment of cognitive dissonance when that occurs. I actually want to ask if I really do look as fat as mirrors MAKE me look. But I don’t because I really don’t want to know the answer….because in my MIND there is no way that could be me, and it is the damn mirror’s fault for having some sort of freaky fun house effect that only reflects me like that but not my partner.
2) Shopping for clothes. NOT fun with reverse anorexia, let me tell you. I go to the rack and think I know my size, then I end up in the horrible mirrored room (and YES, I do believe those mirrors are rigged to make you look even fatter than you really are), and do some serious yoga type moves to wrestle my way into the clothes….only to have to do reverse yoga to get them back off again. I treat it as exercise and feel after all that “yoga” I really do deserve a nice Mocha from Starbucks ;-), but then I won’t get that yummy mocha cuz one of my skinny friends told me it has more calories than a Big Mac. Instead I go and purchase yet more spanx to ensure that the muffin remains contained in the pants I just bought 1 size too small because “I will be that size again soon.”
3) Friends who really are skinny….you suck. Well, you probably don’t but every time I see one of my many fabulously thin and gorgeous friends I feel incredibly jealous and think they don’t eat or must exercise like crazy…only to go to lunch with them and watch them consume more calories in 1 meal than I allow myself to eat in a week….damn you, but I know you don’t mind when I sneak some of your fries ;-)!
4) Kids….Yes they do say that darnedest things. I love my 3 munchkins, but Damn they know how to tweak a person’s sense of false reality. Princepessa told me the other day, “I love hugging you mommy, you are sssssooooo squishy.” Yeah, exactly not what I wanted to hear.
I go back and forth on this issue in my head. I will be really good and do all that exercise crap, eat like a rabbit, give up my precious Merlot and drop 15 lbs…only to reward myself for all my hard work by picking those lbs right back up…on my ass. *sigh*
So, if admitting your problem is half the cure, I am hoping by publicly admitting to my reverse anorexia I will either will myself thin, or just accept that I am an almost middle aged mother of 3 kids with a muffin top….wtith an added bonus of a totally hot husband who thinks I am gorgeous no matter what the label in my pants says.
Cheers!
Nic
Momginerd 