angst – Momginerd

Warning, this is a rant post. If you are here today for some humor, you will most likely be disappointed. Granted, there may be snippets of sarcasm, but this is a subject matter that is serious and deserves a serious post.

Recently I posted a link to a YouTube video of a very pretty, talented and sad girl named Amanda Todd on my Facebook page. Since then (and NO I am not taking credit for the blow up, lol, I am sure it was coincidental), there has been a lot of discussion about this young lady and her tragic story which ultimately led to her suicide. Her story has gone viral, and I see at least 30 – 40 people re-posting either the original video or links to a page dedicated to her on my oldest daughter’s Facebook page. Does this girl deserve to be remembered? YES! Does my heart break for her? ABSOLUTELY! Do I think she could have avoided what happened if she had the ability to think of consequences? Maybe. I urge us all to look at the entire story and the circumstances that went into what led to her ultimate decision to take her own life. Use this not only as a lesson about what impact there is when a child is bullied, but as a lesson to teach our children that there are consequences for their digital actions. Stop and THINK before you post!

I am CONSTANTLY telling Manudo to think not once, not twice, not three times, but 100 times before posting a photo of herself on any of the multitude of social networking sites to which she currently belongs. The list includes: Twitter, Facebook, GifBoom, Skype, Instagram, etc. Some of these give the false impression that if you post something, decide it is inappropriate or you don’t like it, that you can choose to edit or remove the content. I have news for you: Once something is on the Internet, it is there FOREVER. All it takes is for one person to save that image to their personal computer and repost it…just like what happened in Amanda’s case.

If you have kids in the 12 – 17 age range, I am sure that they have at least a Facebook page. My challenge to you is to log into your child’s Facebook page (and if you don’t have access to your minor child’s page, then shame on you), and look at what they are posting, Instant Messaging, and HIDING from you. Also, look at what their so called friends are posting. I will guarantee you that you will find any number of inappropriate posts/pictures/comments that will make you want to wash your eyes out with bleach. On my daughter’s feed I have seen “friends” calling each other: Gay, Homo, Loser, Ugly, Bitch, Slut, Dick, Asshole, Stupid, Thug, Retard, Nigga’, Butt Buddy, Fat, Anorexic, Pimple Faced, the list goes on and on and on. Seriously, if you have “friends” who do this to you what would your enemies be saying? What is even more disturbing to me, as a mother, is the way that girls and boys are constantly “pimping” themselves out there by asking for “rates” on their photos. Some will take multiple photos daily and post them to the site. Not even an hour will go by and they post they are depressed because their photo didn’t get as many “likes” or comments as they felt necessary to make them feel like a worthwhile human beings. I have seen 12 and 13 year old girls posting pictures of their “cleavage”, full length bikini pictures (with the caption, do I look fat?), pictures of their asses, and sexually suggestive photos of themselves. I have seen 12 and 13 year old girls posting about liking sex, wanting to “blow” someone, and pictures of themselves kissing and making out. Whatever happened to the saying “Pretty is as Pretty Does?” And the girls aren’t alone, boys are doing just as inappropriate texting/posting/etc.

I was very surprised, and impressed, when one of my daughter’s friends posted this picture:

BOTH stories are sad, but, could one have ended differently if they thought about the consequences of their actions? Bullying is a very serious issue. I also know I have been guilty of thinking “Well, I was bullied as a kid, and I grew up and was fine.” However, kids who are bullied today face the fact that their torment is documented and shared virally, while the rest of us older than 20 only had to make it through the day at school. These poor kids are stalked in ways we can only imagine. It makes me nauseated to just think of it, and even more ill to think of how I would handle it if my child was the target of such bullying as Amanda or any number of other children who are just trying to fit in today.

All I know is I am and WILL monitor my children’s social media until they are 18. Our deal is if you want access to these sites, you have to give me your log-in information. Same rule applies to cell phones and texting. It isn’t because I am nosy and do not respect my kids privacy, it is because I am their mother and my first job is to protect them, not FRIEND them.

Rant over. I am sure many of you disagree, but if you think I made any valid points, please talk to your kids and better yet, share this post with your friends.

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Rites of Passage or Mothering a Junior High School Daughter (God Help me now!)

November 1, 2011September 11, 2018 Momginerd

I wanted to be a Zombie, but Mom made me pretty instead

Last week, at least in my mind, Manudo looked like this on Halloween. All that was important was being pretty or scary, getting lots of attention, and KNOWING that Mommy would always be there to take care of her. She was always a unique child, even from a very young age. Manudo is one of those kids who doesn’t do things on a linear slope, she does them in peaks. She has always been this way! She went from not walking or crawling to RUNNING, at 9 months. She never jibber jabbered, she spoke in sentences, before she was 1. She is like this in school too. I will be all worried about a poor grade in a course (I don’t know if online grade reporting is a blessing or a curse at this point), only to be surprised and delighted when she aces the final exam. Yes, this causes me lots of worry and trepidation, because I can’t predict any achievements based any sort of a curve for her, she either gets it 100% or doesn’t get it at all. And just because she doesn’t get it today, doesn’t mean in a day she won’t have 100%. It drives me absolutely bat-assed crazy!

This past week has involved many rites of passage for both of us. She and her team won 1st place in her cheerleading competition after a very difficult, heart wrenching (for mom, think mean girls), exhausting, thrilling, and “political” 4 months of 5 days per week practice. She was THRILLED. Then, she had her first dance at her Junior High School. In years past, Manudo has always been the child who wants to be something scary and totally made up for Halloween (above picture notwithstanding, since she was too young to pick then). She has been scary witches with warts and green skin, zombies, and skeletons……so perhaps my mommy spidey sense should have went off when she said she wanted to go to her dance as a “pretty witch.” But it didn’t. Manudo has never before expressed any interest in boys, attracting boys, or being around boys. She was still in the OMG, Boys are Gross stage….last week.

So, being the Cool Mom I am, I proceeded to go out and get her lots of “pretty witch” accouterments. She had gorgeous glittery false eye-lashes, eye make-up, lipstick, etc….I also spent about 45 minutes styling her almost to her waist hair. It was a lot of work, and she looked gorgeous. She kept hopping up and looking in the mirror, was asking all kinds of questions about make-up application, and was very critical if there were any smudges or the like. She kept asking how I learned to apply makeup, how hard is it to curl hair, and other beauty routine related questions. It was also the very first time EVER she didn’t scream like a howler monkey when I styled her hair….Still, I was clueless.

She asked me, specifically, to take her to the school for the party/dance. On the way there, she is asking me all sorts of questions about my first dance experience. It was quite the challenge to recall 100 years ago when I was in Jr. High, but I dredged up some memories about first dances. You remember the girls on one side, boys on the other…waiting with bated breath as a very cute Jake Ryan looking boy traversed the 100 miles of gym floor thinking: “Is he coming towards me? What will I do if he doesn’t ask me to dance? What will I do if he DOES? OMG, he is coming towards me, for real, I hope they play Stairway to Heaven, cuz it is like 8 minutes long” times?

As I shook myself out of my reverie to the past, I noticed she was very fidgety, anxious and nervous. Being still clueless, I said, “Are you nervous? Why are you so nervous? Sit still, you will mess up your hair and get glitter all over my car!” She then proceeded to ask, in a very tiny and timid voice, “Mommy do you think the boys will think I look pretty?” I was totally speechless and felt this odd prickling feeling behind my eyelids, and right then I was back in junior high with that feeling when the boy did not ask me to dance. I wanted to turn that glitter covered car around and put my intelligent, beautiful, and for the first time ever self-conscious daughter in some footy pajamas, make her some hot chocolate and read her “Goodnight Moon” for the 1 millionth time. Instead, I told her that the joy of dances is there are lots of boys there so if one doesn’t like her, there is a high chance that another one will for sure. She then said, “but what if “he” doesn’t think I look pretty”….and I almost ran over the cop directing traffic in and out of the school for the kiss and ride line. I told her that if “he” thinks she looks pretty in school, then “he’d” be blind and dumb to not think she looks pretty right now! And I felt yet more prickling behind my eyelids and realized that I was dropping my (in my mind) 3 year old daughter off to be ogled by nasty pubescent wolves! As we pulled up to our spot in the line for her to get out, she opened the door, hesitated for a second, then got out. Before she shut the door, she looked at me, and in her voice still reminiscent of when she really was 3 said, “Thank you and I love you Mommy.”

The prickling became a floodgate and I bawled the whole way home….without my daughter. But I guess, even at 12 her most important things about Halloween this year were: Looking pretty, getting lots of attention, and knowing that Mommy will always be there to take care of her!

Nic
P.S. She texted me after the dance and said “he” thought she looked awesome…..

I’d love to hear your thoughts on my blog! Please add your comments and let me know what you think….any ideas on what you’d like to read here? Let me know!

parenting

My Daughter is my hero

June 28, 2011September 11, 2018 Momginerd

This is my oldest daughter. I want to be like her when I grow up. She is tall, thin, goofy, funny, modest, gorgeous and extremely intelligent. I have learned so many things from her, and most of them are things about myself.

Manudo is a voracious reader. I never thought that I would ever say to a child “Put the book down.” I sometimes find her under her covers with a flashlight reading at night! Then, she wakes up all cranky the next morning and can’t understand why…duh….

The biggest lesson Manudo has taught me is that it is OKAY to be different. She is her own person, all the time. She does not bend to convention or peer pressure. If someone doesn’t like her, she really doesn’t care. If someone does something stupid, she isn’t afraid to confront them. Until Manudo, I thought being popular with my peers was really important. To this day I still get hurt feelings if my friends have a party and don’t invite me. My quirky daughter has taught me that the people who really matter are the ones that want you to be with them…and if they don’t then it really isn’t worth getting your panties in a wad about because they really don’t matter.

She is a fierce protector of her little siblings. It is ironic to me that she will beat the Hell out of them and yell about how annoying they are, but if another person even comes near them she is like a tigress protecting her cubs. Of course, five minutes later she is telling them that she wishes she was an only child.

Manudo is the kid that offers to help out at parties by helping the adults clean or watching all the smaller children. She has an old soul, I think, and really likes being around older kids and adults more than kids her own age. When I asked her about it she said, “Girls my age are into crazy stuff like Justin Bieber, make-up, giggling and other time wasters.” I kid you not. There are no posters hanging on the walls and most of the time she forgets to turn her cell phone on!

Manudo also has a very kind heart. She never forgets a birthday or other special occasion. She also still thinks I am cool. That in itself is a great feeling and a miracle. Many of my friends with kids the same age are already complaining that their kids don’t want to spend time with them….Sometimes I wish Manudo was more like that. I swear that she follows me around like a shadow. At least 10 times per day she bumps into me if I stop because she is constantly under-foot.

Now, don’t get me wrong. This child is far from perfect. I get eye-rolls, screams of “You are so not fair” and other normal pre-teen angst from her. But all in all, she is a fabulous daughter and an even more amazing young woman. She has taught me that being a geeky nerd who never really fits in is Okay and to love myself a little bit more than I did before I met her. I thought I was the one who is supposed to be teaching her life’s lessons.

Until next time,
Nic

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Working in a Gender Bending Role…….The Negatives

June 16, 2011 Momginerd

Last week I focused on the positives of working in a non-traditional career. Today, I plan on cluing you in to some of the more unpleasant aspects.

1. No, I am not an expert on ALL things female. I am sorry, but I do not know why your wife acts the way she does (except perhaps because YOU are a jackhole?) when you complain about why your dinner isn’t prepared when you get home. I have NO idea why she has denied you sex, drives the way she does, asks you the questions she does, or ignores your pleas for her to change. Please talk to your wife, not me. Having boobs does not make me an expert on all things female, just sayin’.

2. The noises. Working in cubeville with all men leads to overhearing sounds that I give time-outs to for my own son. Some of the doozies are: Snorking, the act of sucking snot while clearing your throat resulting in a sound that resembles a Canadian Goose dying. Farting, no definition required, I am sure. Burping/belching, this occurs a lot, and loudly, and is usually accompanied by a description of exactly which food led to said expelling of gas and how it tasted “coming back up.” Horking, like snorking, but without the snot sucking….just as gross and usually proceeds the sound of Spitting into the nearest trash can.

3. The advice. Just because you happen to have a penis and 10 or more years on me, does not make you the expert on all things dealing with me, my parenting, my marriage, my weight, my diet, my health, how I color my hair, my driving, how I spend my free time, which beverages I like to consume when not working, or what a “smart and pretty lady like you should do next in my career.”
4. The Nicknames. Oh yeah, I have a few. Some of them are mean, some are condescending and pretty much most of them are inappropriate. I have been dubbed the Princess Bitch, Little Lady, Work Wife, Bossy Lady, Aggressive Wench….etc, I could go on and on, but I think you get the picture. I would like to say that just because I am in charge, I am not a bitch. I don’t hear you bitching about the Men who have similar expectations of you….my having female parts does not detract from the fact that I have a brain and I have earned my spot as a leader. So, STFU and keep it to yourself.

5. Did you know that if there is a woman in a generally all male workgroup it is the unspoken rule that said woman must organize all social events for the group? She must remember all birthdays and arrange for any activities for the birthday? She is also in charge of collecting and purchasing gifts for the group members’ wives who have children. I did not realize that a vijayjay came with the unique ability to be the work wife of every person who works in my department! Thanks….especially since when I was the one having the babies, nobody did jack shit. I guess I should have purchased something for myself and then asked for donations and passed around my own card….Jackholes.

6. Guilt. I believe that when you work with all men, mommy guilt tends to be magnified. Most of the men I work with when their kids are ill and unable to go to school their wives take care of them. Well, I am the MOM and my kids want me when they are sick. They also want me to go to their graduations, games and other activities that to me are more important than keeping a chair warm at my office. I am mobile and always available via BlackBerry and laptop. I am actually more productive from home as all my co-workers aren’t coming by to ask me about all their wives “womanly issues.” However, it never fails that if I take time to do something for my kids, I get a snide comment from a co-worker the next day.

So, there are a few snippets of being a woman working in a Man’s world. All in all, I enjoy it, but there are some days I want to just remind them of their manners and put them in time-out!

Until next time,
Nic