Category: relationships

Aging, relationships, women

The Unexpected Joy of Aging

Momginerd

aging

 

Aging happens, and should be a goal not seen as a punishment.  If you are lucky enough to be considered “old” then you have lived, which is WAY better than the alternative….

 

I have had a love/hate relationship with aging over the years.  In some ways I look resentfully in the mirror and see glimmers of the young hard-bodied woman I was.  I remember having a flat stomach, no gray hairs or lines on my face.  But, then I stop and think about the young woman I was.  For as cute as I may have been back then, I didn’t know it.  I didn’t appreciate it.  I didn’t believe it.

The curse of youth is we don’t appreciate it until we are too old to live it fully.  The tireless levels of energy, no creaky joints screaming protest at activities that were easy and effortless, the firm muscles that actually responded to the gym, and the carefree living of the first tastes of freedom with minimal debt, responsibility or stress.

As I see the big 5-0 approaching on the horizon, I have become reflective of my self-esteem and self-value, and I wouldn’t go back to the woman I was in those days.  I truly love the woman I have become.  I am happy.  What 25 year old woman feels confident in her body, mind and soul?  Not many I have met!

I have my opinions and thoughts and do not feel compelled to apologize for them anymore.  I do not live my life to an expectation of how I am seen by others, but live it to how I want to SEE MYSELF.  There is a huge and very important difference in those.

My youth taught me many lessons: some good, some bad…but they all were integral to my learning me.

Here is what I have learned about myself:

1. I love wholly and un-apologetically.  Yes I have been hurt, damaged and sometimes broken.  But, I wouldn’t change that part of myself despite the chances of future hurts.  I prefer to live, give love, and appreciate the small moments of joy and try not to worry about the “what ifs.”

Image result for funny old woman

2.  Life is funny!  Look for the joy in the every single day.  It doesn’t have to be  momentous, just something as simple as a funny thing your child says, or, for me, some awkward moment that would have embarrassed me in my youth, but now can bring me to tears of laughter.  I have a running joke with my girlfriends: Days without spilling something on my boobs.  I send pictures of the daily spillage, and we all laugh. My record is 3 days.Image may contain: one or more people and closeup

 

3.  Life is SHORT!

Grab that it by the tail and hang on for the ride.  Too soon you won’t be able to really embrace all the opportunities.  I do not want to live a life of regret.  Hell, when I die I want my friends and family to have a party and remember me as I am now.  I want them to say: she lived, she loved and she laughed, a lot!  When that special person says that they think you are attractive, believe them.  Because as we age, we also don’t have time for bullshit and generally mean what we say.

Image result for funny gravestone quotes

Until next time,

Enjoy the Ride my friends!

Nic

home improvement, relationships

9 Circles of Hell Kitchen Remodel, pt. 3

Momginerd

For those of you behind….come on already, keep up!  Just kidding…Here is  Part 1 of the saga, and for your continued amusement at our expense you can read Part 2.

Circle 7: Violence
Oh heck yeah, remodeling a Kitchen is nothing if not violent.  You should have seen the glee in the eyes of the kids when I said: “Oh you want to hit your sister?  Here’s a hammer, go hit the nasty cabinets instead!”  Those kids were all about violently beating the crap out my old kitchen like stink is on you-know-what!  I will say they did a fantastic job of tearing everything apart….why am I not surprised?  I guess I should have looked in their rooms more frequently, as after a month of me being distracted by said kitchen their rooms pretty much resemble the demolished kitchen too.

Of course, when violence is involved, it doesn’t seem to limit itself to inanimate objects.  Take this lovely picture of me, for example:

Vice grips -v- Thumb…Vice Grips WIN!

I was pulling nails out of the baseboards with a pair of torture implements from the early 1900’s vice grips when the hook and eye type closure decided to latch….right on my thumb.  I had a VERY attractive blood blister for about a month.

HH and I would spend our 20 minutes we took before collapsing asleep in exhaustion at night taking inventory of the day’s battle scars.  We combined had a total of 9 head bumps, 3 lacerations, 1 million bruises, 1 pulled bicep, 2 swollen wrists, 10 nail puncture wounds (yes we checked and we were both up to date on our tetanus shots), and various other injuries.  In the war of the Kitchen -v- Us, I’d say the kitchen won most of the battles.

In the end we did end up winning the war by getting the old kitchen to relinquish its dominance over our home, and we celebrated greatly…for 5 minutes…before we passed out in exhaustion.

Take that you old ugly kitchen.  We win, you are going
to the landfill…right where you belong!

Circle 8: Fraud
Oh yeah! This circle was probably the hardest for a couple of nerdy geeks to accept.  I mean, we spend our lives deciphering the B.S. from the truth statistically (yes, 90% of it really is B.S. too).  Our acquiescence to being frauded came mostly from the web, instruction manuals, and other people who claimed to be PROFESSIONALS!

We would wonder how to put in a 3 way switch for a light fixture….being nerds, we turned to the almighty Google for the answer.  Those search engines are EVIL as well as fraudulent! We looked at this one page from an electrician and the title was “Putting in a 3 way switch is so easy a blind monkey can do it.”  Being neither blind nor monkeys we figured “no problem!”  Well….2 hours and 20 combinations of Black-White-White-Green wires later we felt like this :

Blind and NO thumbs…Doh!

Then there were the “experts.”  These folks must have gotten some really great laughs at  my expense.  We’d go to the Orange Box From Hell (OBFH) store and ask a question…they’d give us an answer that basically made me feel like an for not figuring it out…you know the “Oh that’s so easy, you should be embarrassed for even asking that” type of response.  We’d get home and try to replicate what they said only to find out 1. They told me wrong (probably on purpose, EVIL Frauds!), or 2. the tool they told me would work fine for the job actually did not so I’d have to go back to the OBFH store and spend more $$$ there.  I swear, my paycheck for the next 6 months is just signed over to the OBFH.

Nicism….every project you do takes twice as long as you think and costs 3 times as much money.

Manuals…..what a joke.  Those damn things should have a warning on them! Part A does not fit in Part B, and how about including all the damn parts next time???
Circle 9: Traitors
We like to call the traitors, vendors.  These are the folks who promise something will be delivered on a certain date, but then don’t show up or call.  Or the “nice people” who PROMISE that they are the best and have the most awesome customer service…until they get your money!  We had a delivery company put a ding in our brand new refrigerator.  When I called them (before the check cleared, I may add) they were all like: Oh momginerd, we are SO sorry, we will be sending out someone to look at that right away, we pride ourselves on our customer service!”  Ironically the check cleared the next day and we are still waiting for our replacement door….3 weeks later!
All in all, I am proud of my accomplishment.  The Kitchen isn’t perfect, but it is 10000% better than the 1970’s special we had before.  We went from avocado appliances to stainless….boring white walls with 8 cabinets on soffits to 28 new cabinets and gorgeous Canyon Sunrise walls.
Will I ever do a project of this magnitude again….HELL no!
Till next time,
Nic
home improvement, relationships

Kitchen Remodel Circles of Hell, pt 2

Momginerd

As we continued on our Kitchen remodel, we continued to fall through the mythical Circles.  For those of you new to the blog, check out pt. 1 here: Kitchen Remodel Circles of Hell, pt

If only I had THIS bed!

Circle 4: Hoarder and Spendthrifts
Yes, we became bi-polars who constantly went over and over through this circle.  While sitting with the Kitchen Designer she informed us: If you spend $120 more, you will get $500 off!  She was a cruel mistress that lady!  HH and I were like, “Yippee!  Spice rack, built in trash, and other thingamagiggies we don’t need here we come!”

Then, when it came to times we REALLY needed something, we would be cheap.  We’d be making modifications to a 2×4 that took 2.5 hours instead of spending $8 on a 2×6!  At our combined hourly rates that 2×6 cost us about $100!   BUT….when you are in full-on home improvement mode, you think a penny saved is a penny earned.  When in all actuality a penny saved is a thousand pennies flushed down the drain.  That is a Nicism when it comes to projects!

Circle 5: The Wrathful and the Sullen
This circle is one of the worst experiences, because when you are doing a project of this intensity with your partner, one of you is the wrathful and the other is always the sullen.  Both of us worked full-time while doing this project….fortunately he gets to work at home quite often…me not so much.  So, we would be having lots of “discussions” over who did what, who sweated more, who was more sore, who was the bigger Pain in the Ass, etc.  Then, we would both switch roles the next day.  I’d take a vacation day to paint while he worked (at home, on the couch, drinking coffee, I’d like to add).  I would become wrathful that I was sweating my a$$ off, and he would become sullen because he really DID have to work.

Let’s just say we more resembled this:
Than this:
Cirlcle 6:  The Heretics
Oh yes, those darn Heretics!  They were the ones who said “you guys can’t do that!” Who doubted our tenacity, knowledge, strength and integrity.  To all of them I say:
Booyah!

 

All we need are our Contertops, but OUR portion is done

 

And, TAKE That!

 

There used to be a window where the Stove is

 

Perhaps I am going to be residing in the circle of PRIDE, because if nothing else, we did it and to us it looks great.  Better yet, we did it and we are STILL married!
I will say that I used to be a big time perfectionist.  Doing a home project like this will change you…I am now all about “It looks pretty damn good” and that is okay!
Pt. 3 coming soon!
Nic
divorce, relationships

No, I am not your wife anymore….

Momginerd

My kids’ dad is still very much involved in their lives.  We share 50/50 custody, so we interact a lot.  A lot more than I would really like, but in the theme of “keeping the kids first” I always answer his calls and try to help him if he asks.  My Ex likes to think that since we once were married, I should still do lots of favors for him…NO not that kind of favors, step up to the gutter people! ;-).

For example:  He decided to get Lasik eye surgery.  Not that big of a deal, but then he thought it was appropriate to ask ME to take him to his appointment.  Um….really!?!   I would have had to take one of my few precious vacation days to do this and I have much better things to do with my vacation days.  I did, however, arrange for my uncle to take him.  And, because I still felt guilty for not taking him, I made him a home cooked dinner and delivered it to his house that evening (yeah, I know, I am enabling the behavior).

Not a single day goes by when he doesn’t call me at least 10 times to ask me something.  Sometimes they are important, like what exactly is it again that Bubbie is allergic to eating (yeah, you would think after 8 years he’d know what the kid can and can not eat, but I digress).  Other times it is stupid shit.  He literally called me 3 times once to ask directions to Manudo’s softball game.  Did I mention that I bought him a GPS one year for Father’s day?
Some of the other lovely things he calls about is to ask me to set him up with my friends.  Like I would do that?  He wasn’t a good enough husband to me to stayed married to, so why would I foist him off one one of my friends, I mean I actually LIKE most of my friends?  Now HH’s ex…that would be another story ;-).  He also thinks that I am his permanent babysitter.  Whenever he has a date, tickets to an event, golf game, hangnail, eye twitch or headache he thinks it is my job to take the kids.  Most of the time I welcome the extra time with them, but sometimes I actually have plans!  I mean, one of the benefits of sharing custody is that I actually can make plans sometimes without having to worry about hiring a babysitter.  He then likes to pull the guilt trip on me if I occasionally say no.  He will say: “but you are remarried so you have 2 adults to care for the kids….I am all alone.”  I want to say to him:  “Ever think you are all alone because you keep acting like you are still married to me?”  What lady would want to be with someone who can’t even remember how to get to his daughter’s softball game, at the same field she had just played at 2 days ago, without calling his Ex 3 times for directions?

His latest “favor” is asking me to plan a vacation for him.  He’d like me to make all the plans for him to take the kids on a vacation this Summer.  He said, and I quote: “you know what they like, here is my budget, just tell me where and when and I will take them.”  REALLY!  Like I want to plan some fantasmic vacation for YOU to get all the credit?  You know what they really like?  Going someplace and having to do lots of chores.  Let me know how that works out for you.

Now, as I said, 90% of the time I suck it up and help him out.  But some days, I just want to tell him to stick it up his arse.  I feel like I give, give, give, and 90% of the time he just takes.  On the rare occasion I will ask him to return a favor, he invariably says no because he is golfing, watching TV, picking his ass, or any other myriad of excuses.

At the end of the day, I just keep chanting this mantra:  It is for the kids, the kids appreciate that I help their dad out.

I know that one day the kids will know that even if I am the strict parent, I am the one that helped hold their lives together, especially their Dad’s.

I do have say that I am absolutely happy that my Ex is so involved with the kids, and he does try.  I would much prefer to have to schedule and run his life than have him abandon or miss out on time with the kids.  All in all, he is a great dad to them, he is just clueless about what is and is not appropriate to ask me.

Until next time!
Nic

relationships, women

I have Reverse Anorexia……..

Momginerd

So, on my Facebook page today a friend posted this ad from the Body Shop that was pulled after Barbie, INC threatened them:

It made me realize that even though I most likely look like this ad, or perhaps even worse, in my mind, I look more like this (but brunette):

Image result for heidi klum angel

My reverse anorexia (I THINK I am skinnier than I truly am) displays itself in numerous situations.  Here are a couple of examples.

1) I have dated and even married very handsome men in the past.    I mean they actually gets hit on all the time when we are together, so I can only imagine what happens when we are not…okay, I prefer to think my love turns into an ugly ogre when he is not in my presence, but that is probably NOT true.  Anyway, we go places and I am thinking in my head, “Oh I look so cute and my butt looks awesome in these jeans.”  Then we walk by a mirror and I am all like “Who is that fat chick with MY man?  Why is she holding his hand?  Doesn’t she see I am right here?”  Only to then realize that fat chick is me!  It is a complete moment of cognitive dissonance when that occurs.  I actually want to ask  if I really do look as fat as mirrors MAKE me look. But I don’t because I really don’t want to know the answer….because in my MIND there is no way that could be me, and it is the damn mirror’s fault for having some sort of freaky fun house effect that only reflects me like that but not my partner.

 

2) Shopping for clothes.  NOT fun with reverse anorexia, let me tell you.  I go to the rack and think I know my size, then I end up in the horrible mirrored room (and YES, I do believe those mirrors are rigged to make you look even fatter than you really are), and do some serious yoga type moves to wrestle my way into the clothes….only to have to do reverse yoga to get them back off again.  I treat it as exercise and feel after all that “yoga” I really do deserve a nice Mocha from Starbucks ;-), but then I won’t get that yummy mocha cuz one of my skinny friends told me it has more calories than a Big Mac.  Instead I go and purchase yet more spanx to ensure that the muffin remains contained in the pants I just bought 1 size too small because “I will be that size again soon.”

3) Friends who really are skinny….you suck.  Well, you probably don’t but every time I see one of my many fabulously thin and gorgeous friends I feel incredibly jealous and think they don’t eat or must exercise like crazy…only to go to lunch with them and watch them consume more calories in 1 meal than I allow myself to eat in a week….damn you, but I know you don’t mind when I sneak some of your fries ;-)!

4) Kids….Yes they do say that darnedest things.  I love my 3 munchkins, but Damn they know how to tweak a person’s sense of false reality.  Princepessa told me the other day, “I love hugging you mommy, you are sssssooooo squishy.”  Yeah, exactly not what I wanted to hear.

I go back and forth on this issue in my head.  I will be really good and do all that exercise crap, eat like a rabbit, give up my precious Merlot and drop 15 lbs…only to reward myself for all my hard work by picking those lbs right back up…on my ass.  *sigh*

So, if admitting your problem is half the cure, I am hoping by publicly admitting to my reverse anorexia I will either will myself thin, or just accept that I am an almost middle aged mother of 3 kids with a muffin top….wtith an added bonus of a totally hot husband who thinks I am gorgeous no matter what the label in my pants says.

Cheers!
Nic